Here’s a list of 41 things that will very likely happen on your first lads holiday…
1. LADS HOLIDAY PITCH / PREPOSAL
One of the boys pitches “The Lads Holiday” with the promise of cheap booze and lots of easy sex. After little persuasion, you will all agree.
After scanning the internet for the best 18-30 holidays, you all (eventually) decide on some bang average hotel because it’s cheap and you’re told you won’t be spending much time in the hotel anyway. #fairdos
Tip: For dirt cheap lads holidays, I use On The Beach..
You’ll spunk LOADS on an entirely new holiday wardrobe.
4. GETTING THERE
You’re all buzzing on the way to the airport except one of the lads, who’s already missing his missus. #wrapped
You don’t have a clue where you’re going but one of the lads will pretend he does.
Nice bluff. He’ll get lucky and qualify himself as the group leader for the rest of the trip.
As you’ll approach the baggage check-in desk, you’ll see a group of lads covered in tattoos, with bigger arms and a much better dress sense. You hope they won’t be coming to the same place as you. They definitely will be. #Crap
7. AIRPORT SECURITY
One of the idiots in your group will get stopped for having something suspicious in his bag like liquids or a laptop. You have to wait for his bag to go through again.
8. DUTY FREE
For some stupid reason you will all act like you’ve never used aftershave before and think it’s a good idea to spray yourselves with a variety of scents.
9. THE GATE
You’ll discover for the first time how far away the departure gate is.
Note: Nobody EVER gets gate 1. In fact, Gate 1,2,3 and 4 don’t even exist!
10. THE PLANE AISLE
You’ll walk down the plane, in search of your seat but pay more attention on the talent (girls on the same flight). Sad reality is, even if a Worldie did look straight at you – you’d probably s*** yourself and look the opposite direction. #pussy
11. SCARED OF FLYING
You’ll find out one of the lads is scared of flying. Awww, bless. Tell him to man the f*ck up and give him a slap.
Okay, tad harsh – here’s an article that helps instantly fix flight nerves.
12. PASSPORT CONTROL
One of the lads will take longer to get through Passport Control because in his passport pic he looks about 12-years-old.
13. BAGGAGE RECLAIM
The fool who forgot to remove liquids from his hand luggage will be the guy who’s waiting for his suitcase the longest. He will instantly become the most hated guy on the trip.
14. COACH TRANSFERS
A coach load of roided up Northerners greet you with barely translatable banter.
Don’t worry, there’ll be a couple of hot girls on there too :)
15. HOTEL CHECK-IN
Okay, not quite as good as it looks in the pictures but that’s the least of your worries. There’s always that one guy nobody wants to share a room with. You worried you’ll get the short straw.
16. HOTEL / HOLIDAY REP
Looks, acts and shags like Stephen Bear. In fact, might as well just be him… You’ll find him extremely annoying, better looking than you and always full of energy.
Note: A can of Red Bull will follow him around everywhere he goes.
The palest guy in the group will burn. It’s basic science. #fact
If you’re milky skinned or burn easy, Australian Gold factor 50 will sort you out… It’s the best cream ever! Or, if you’re a sun worshipper (like me) – you might want some of these.
Factor 6, Factor 15 Factor 30
You’ll find a new meaning of how short, shorts need to be, to be classed as shorts.
19. GIRLS BY THE POOL
You will feel like you just experienced heaven for the first time in your life.
20. GUYS BY THE POOL
You’ll wish you spent more time in the gym and took advantage of 30% off all myprotein.com treats such as Protein Brownies and Fat Burning Stacks.
From getting pushed into the pool to getting your eyebrows shaved off… there will be pranks.
22. AN ARGUMENT
Two of your mates will have a drunk row and fall out for the rest of the holiday over something pointless.
You’ll learn something you didn’t know before about one of your mates.
24. HOLIDAY ROMANCE
One of the lads will fall for someone quite early on in the holiday.
There’s ALWAYS an accident.
It’s unavoidable. You’re going to see some naughty things… The girls are naughty too!
27. BAD DANCING
Time for your mate with two left feet to geek his freak on.
28. LAUGHING GAS
You’ve probably heard how dangerous nitrous oxide balloons are, but you’ll do them anyway
29. HOLIDAY ANTHEM
There will be that one track you hear more than any other and you will forever associate it with the country.
Burgers and Pizza will be your diet for the week.
One of your mates will drink way more than he can handle.
One of the lads will interfere and forever be remembered as the cockblock.
33. CASANOVA WANNABE
The lad who spends loads of money buying girls drinks, but don’t get anywhere
34. THE EXCUSES
None of you will have shagged as many girls as you originally predicted. Email us your best excuses email@example.com
35. THE GREAT ESCAPE
Hope you’ve been practising stealth tactics as you’ll need to use them after a dodgy one night stand.
36. NAMED TEE-SHIRTS
I sincerely hope you’re not considering getting a printed tee? #shameful
37. FOAM / UV PAINT PARTY
You’ll almost certainly be soaked in some kind of gunk.
38. TOP SHAGGER
You’ll crown one of the lads for banging the most women.
39. THE TATTOO
Chances are, one or ALL of you are going to get a shit tattoo.
40. SHOT GIRLS
You might regret drinking shots from some babes breasts (or mouth) the next morning, but it won’t stop you on the night.
41. THE POOL
Yeah, it’s cold. Pools are always cold. Just man up and jump in.
42. THE PUNCH MACHINE
There will be a lot of punching in a lot of bars. It’s really a thing.
Ps. it’s not cool. And girls won’t want to shag you just because you got a high score.
42. HOLIDAY BLUES
As soon as you arrive home and say goodbye to your mates, the holiday blues will hit you like a tonne of s***. The fix? Just book another trip.
ps. If you can think of any more, let us know in the comments below :)