Here’s a list of 41 things that will very likely happen on your first lads holiday…

1. LADS HOLIDAY PITCH / PREPOSAL

One of the boys pitches “The Lads Holiday” with the promise of cheap booze and lots of easy sex. After little persuasion, you will all agree.

2. BOOKING

After scanning the internet for the best 18-30 holidays, you all (eventually) decide on some bang average hotel because it’s cheap and you’re told you won’t be spending much time in the hotel anyway. #fairdos

Tip: For dirt cheap trips, visit either IceLolly or On The Beach.. EasyJet can sometimes do some quality packages too.

 

3. PRESHOP

You’ll spunk LOADS on an entirely new holiday wardrobe.

HAVAIANAS FLIP FLOPS
(CLICK PIC TO BUY)
HAVAIANAS… Obviously!

4. GETTING THERE

You’re all buzzing on the way to the airport except one of the lads, who’s already missing his missus. #wrapped

Lads holiday I miss you

5. AIRPORT

You don’t have a clue where you’re going but one of the lads will pretend he does.
Nice bluff. He’ll get lucky and qualify himself as the group leader for the rest of the trip.

6. COMPETITION

As you’ll approach the baggage check-in desk, you’ll see a group of lads covered in tattoos, with bigger arms and a much better dress sense. You hope they won’t be coming to the same place as you. They definitely will be. #Crap

7. AIRPORT SECURITY

One of the idiots in your group will get stopped for having something suspicious in his bag like liquids or a laptop. You have to wait for his bag to go through again.

Airport security

8. DUTY FREE

For some stupid reason you will all act like you’ve never used aftershave before and think it’s a good idea to spray yourselves with a variety of scents.

9. THE GATE

You’ll discover for the first time how far away the departure gate is.
Note: Nobody EVER gets gate 1. In fact, Gate 1,2,3 and 4 don’t even exist!

10. THE PLANE AISLE

You’ll walk down the plane, in search of your seat but pay more attention on the talent (girls on the same flight). Sad reality is, even if a Worldie did look straight at you – you’d probably s*** yourself and look the opposite direction. #pussy

Jim Carey scared

11. SCARED OF FLYING

You’ll find out one of the lads is scared of flying. Awww, bless. Tell him to man the f*** up and give him a slap.

lad scared of flying

12. PASSPORT CONTROL

One of the lads will take longer to get through Passport Control because in his passport pic he looks about 12-years-old.

13. BAGGAGE RECLAIM

The fool who forgot to remove liquids from his hand luggage will be the guy who’s waiting for his suitcase the longest. He will instantly become the most hated guy on the trip.

Waitinmg for luggage at the airport carousel

14. COACH TRANSFERS

A coach load of roided up Northerners greet you with barely translatable banter.
Don’t worry, there’ll be a couple of hot girls on there too :)

Girls on transfers bus to hotel

 

15. HOTEL CHECK-IN

Okay, not quite as good as it looks in the pictures but that’s the least of your worries. There’s always that one guy nobody wants to share a room with. You worried you’ll get the short straw.

16. HOTEL / HOLIDAY REP

Looks, acts and shags like Stephen Bear. In fact, might as well just be him… You’ll find him extremely annoying, better looking than you and always full of energy.
Note: A can of Red Bull will follow him around everywhere he goes.

17. TANNING

The palest guy in the group will burn. It’s basic science. #fact
If you’re milky skinned or burn easy, Australian Gold factor 50 will sort you out… It’s the best cream ever! Or, if you’re a sun worshipper (like me) – you might want some of these.
Factor 6, Factor 15 Factor 30

18. SHORTS

You’ll find a new meaning of how short, shorts need to be, to be classed as shorts.

19. GIRLS BY THE POOL

You will feel like you just experienced heaven for the first time in your life.

Beach and pool body on lads holiday

 

20. GUYS BY THE POOL

You’ll wish you spent more time in the gym and took advantage of myprotein.com treats such as Protein Brownies and Fat Burning Stacks.

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21. PRANKS

From getting pushed into the pool to getting your eyebrows shaved off… there will be pranks.

Lads Holiday Pranks

22. AN ARGUMENT

Two of your mates will have a drunk row and fall out for the rest of the holiday over something pointless.

23. DISCOVERY

You’ll learn something you didn’t know before about one of your mates.

24. HOLIDAY ROMANCE

One of the lads will fall for someone quite early on in the holiday.

25. INJURY

There’s ALWAYS an accident.

Lads holiday accident
Note: Alpha Travel insurance is definitely the cheapest and best I’ve found for Lads Holiday group bookings. Click here for more travel insurance info.

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Alpha Travel insurance cheapest and best for group bookings

26. PROFANITY

It’s unavoidable. You’re going to see some naughty things… The girls are naughty too!

naughty girls on holiday

27. BAD DANCING

Time for your mate with two left feet to geek his freak on.

Bad dancing on a lads holiday

28. LAUGHING GAS

You’ve probably heard how dangerous nitrous oxide balloons are, but you’ll do them anyway

Lads Holiday laughing gas balloons nitrous oxide

 29. HOLIDAY ANTHEM

There will be that one track you hear more than any other and you will forever associate it with the country.

Lads holiday anthem

30. FOOD

Burgers and Pizza will be your diet for the week.

eating pizza

31. PARALYTIC

One of your mates will drink way more than he can handle.

super drunk on a lads holiday

32. COCKBLOCK

One of the lads will interfere and forever be remembered as the cockblock.

Lads Holiday Cockblock

33. CASANOVA WANNABE

The lad who spends loads of money buying girls drinks, but don’t get anywhere

Lads Holiday Spending money on girls at the bar

34. THE EXCUSES

None of you will have shagged as many girls as you originally predicted. Email us your best excuses story@ladsholidayguide.com

no excuses on a lads holiday

35. THE GREAT ESCAPE

Hope you’ve been practising stealth tactics as you’ll need to use them after a dodgy one night stand.

Lads Holiday the great escape one night stand

36. NAMED TEE-SHIRTS

I sincerely hope you’re not considering getting a printed tee? #shameful

37. FOAM / UV PAINT PARTY

You’ll almost certainly be soaked in some kind of gunk.

Foam Party on first lads holiday

38. TOP SHAGGER

You’ll crown one of the lads for banging the most women.

High Five

39. THE TATTOO

Chances are, one or ALL of you are going to get a shit tattoo.

Lads Holiday Tattoo

40. SHOT GIRLS

You might regret drinking shots from some babes breasts (or mouth) the next morning, but it won’t stop you on the night.

41. THE POOL

Yeah, it’s cold. Pools are always cold. Just man up and jump in.

42. THE PUNCH MACHINE

There will be a lot of punching in a lot of bars. It’s really a thing.
Ps. it’s not cool. And girls won’t want to shag you just because you got a high score.

Punch machine on a lads holiday

42. HOLIDAY BLUES

As soon as you arrive home and say goodbye to your mates, the holiday blues will hit you like a tonne of s***. The fix? Just book another trip.

holiday blues

ps. If you can think of any more, let us know in the comments below :)

This post was written by Lee Walpole
on June 1, 2017