ASAP Breakup Guide for men

Bloke’s ASAP Breakup Guide: How to get over someone FAST

Seriously useful tips for men on how to recover rapidly after getting dumped and breaking up with the ex missus.

Before we get started, I’d like to you to think about what a break up really is?

Devastating, yes. But it’s also one of the greatest opportunities you will ever have.

Yes, they are hard and hurt like hell but that’s what makes them so effective.

It’s important to understand how getting over an ex is a process… and not a destination.

And it’s during this process where YOU get decide… what next?

As Rocky rightly says: “It ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward”. Remember that.

Now, let’s take control and get through this together…

In this guide I’m going to run through EVERYTHING you need to know on how speed up the painful process of getting over your ex.

It’s all to do with investment.

Relationships, regardless of whether it’s a friendship, career, hobby, partner or pet – bottom line is if something we’ve invested a lot of time and emotion in is taken away from us, we’re gonna feel like sh*t!

When you break up with somebody who played a central role in your life, you’re essentially missing a piece of your identity.

Just like if your pet dog died or you were suddenly made redundant from a job you loved…

It’s only natural to feel lost and empty.

The fix?

Start filling that void.

And no I don’t mean go out and buy a new dog or get a new missus.

While the “fastest way to get over someone is to get under” theory works for many, I personally think the key is to fill your void with goals and challenges.

Rebounds are almost always built on weak foundations, so while you may temporarily be masking the pain, you’re not really doing yourself any favours long term.

Note: Having sex is fine, recommended and well, (f*cking) great – just don’t try to invest any emotions too soon as you’re not ready.

If you’re looking to get the best out of the breakup, learn to love yourself like you loved your ex.

So, set some new goals and challenges and start working on them. Use the pain as motivation.

And before you know it, you’ll see why the breakup was the best thing that ever happened to you.

When we go through a breakup, we’re slapped in the face with what psychologists call the 5 STAGES OF GRIEF – the exact same steps we face when somebody we love DIES.

Here’s what you’re up against.

Stage #1. Denial
At first, shock will try to protect you from the truth by convincing you it’s not over.
It’s your mind’s way of trying to numb the pain.

Stage #2. Bargaining
You will do ANYTHING to avoid accepting it’s over and become needy, desperate and pathetic.
Don’t worry, we’ve all been here.

Stage #3. Anger
As reality starts to kick in, you’re likely going to get really p*ssed off and probably say some nasty things. You might start demanding answers too.
Now could be a good time to getting into boxing or something physical as you’ll want to release.

Stage #4. Depression
After dipping in and out of stages 2 and 3 (bargaining and anger) you will eventually come to a crash. You will start to feel hopeless and may even question your very existence.
This stage can drag on for a very long time if you don’t do the right things, but don’t worry… I’ve got you covered in the next few chapters.

Stage #5. Acceptance:
Well done, you made it. It’s time to rebuild our lives and move on. Sounds cringe but you will now be stronger and better equipped for the next time (and yes, there will be a next time) ;)

My mum used to say that time was the best healer, yet my Dad said the best way to get over somebody is to get under someone.

But who’s right?

Here’s the most popular ways men deal with getting dumped.


It’s the oldest rule in the book. Get laid as quickly and as much as you can after a BREAKUP, and you’ll recover in no time.

I know a lot of men who swear by this technique, but it’s not for everyone.

Here’s a couple of pointers that have worked for me personally.

#1. Don’t pay for it.
When we pay for sex, it’s not earned and I’ve found men often feel dirty and worse off after using a prostitute.

#2. Try not compare
Stay in the moment and try not think of your ex whilst you’re banging away. If you can’t get your ex out of you head (even with your d*ck inside another girl) you’re probably need to find a new f*ck buddy.

#3. You technically don’t have to bang
Sounds gay but it’s NOT just about sex. A good spooning session can get those serotonin juices flowing again and this helps LOADS.


It’s the most unhelpful advice you will ever be told.

Sorry Mum, time is NOT the best healer at all.

While it’s true that the pain gets less and less with time, there’s no guarantee you’re healing properly or as fast as you could if you took the proper steps.

Moving on.


Rebounding (aka replacing the ex with somebody else) is a rapid way to mask the pain, but might NOT be the best long term solution, as you’ll forever be dependant on somebody else to make you happy.

After a painful split in my late twenties I turned to a crush at work for some attention and it numbed the pain almost instantly.

From daily text messaging to the more frequent (and better) sex – the void my ex had left (and space in my bed) had literally been filled and replaced by somebody younger, better looking and more exciting.

I’d “successfully” managed to shift my emotions from one girl to the other, which was fantastic… whilst it lasted.

Within a month or so, my bubble had burst and I was almost back to square one again but with the new girl.


Travelling helps you grow as a person as you’ll be tested and forced outside your comfort zone.

There’s huge benefits in travelling from the people you’ll meet to the experiences you make.

I’ve met so many people who have quit their jobs and gone travelling shortly after breaking up with their partners – and they all say it’s the best move they ever made.

If you hate your job and your current life sucks, I’d highly recommend you pack you’re sh*t up, and go!

Yes it’s ballsy and brave. But if you’re genuinely hating life right now and in a position where you can do it, make it happen… This could be the best thing you ever do!


Reinvent yourself by finding things YOU like and want to do – find passions that interest YOU and work towards them.

Too many guys get pussy whipped into becoming the man their ex wanted them to be, and the men become pawns, predictable and unexciting.

One of our lads, Paul (yes I’m name dropping) was so pussy whipped he wasn’t even allowed out the house.

If this sounds like you then it’s possibly one of the reasons she broke up with you.

Women don’t like men who are pushovers. It’s time you grew some balls and start doing what you want to do.

Here’s the three core areas I recommend focussing on first when reinventing yourself.

#1. Social
Get your old mates back or find new ones by going to classes or interest groups. Lad nights are integral for the healing process, and your banter might be rusty so it’s time to dust off and start working on your social game.

Remember you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with, so you need to spend time with high energy, positive people. Tip: Avoid people who are closely linked to your ex.

#2. Physical Growth
Get active. Try a new sport which challenges you (rock climbing, mixed martial arts, boxing etc).
Exercise will not only make you look better, but you release endorphins too which will make you feel less sh*t about the whole breakup.

#3. Mental Growth
Learn something new. Perhaps a new language or skill… Perhaps learn to draw or write – trick is to do something which stimulates the brain and keeps your mind occupied.

I discovered the benefits of reinventing myself after a painful rejection in my early twenties.

As a distraction, I decided to learn how to code websites, joined a kickboxing gym and started blogging.

Six months later:
I was earning more money, in the best shape of my life and fell in love with a new girl I’d met through some blogging event.

Reinvent yourself by finding things YOU like and want to do. If you don’t know what you want to do, keep trying new things until you find it.

Constantly seeing reminders of your ex everywhere you go? Painful eh?!

That’s where classical conditioning comes in by destroying the associations you have with your ex in certain places or events.

The trick is  to rewire your mind to associate those reminders with new memories.

(Will come back to this).

I’m going to break down how I tackle each stage of grief one by one, and explain why it works.

Stage #1. Denial (1-2 days)
Cry your heart out and do not hold back. We live to feel, and pain is part of that experience.

If you think need a push, watch a super sad movie, alone. Marley And Me, War Horse and Fault Within Our Stars all helped break me.

The goal is to release the pressure and get as much of it out your system as possible.
Bottling up feelings will only delay the recovery so cry, cry, cry!!!

Just don’t look in the mirror when you do, because it’s weird.

Stage #2. Bargaining (1 day)

Begging for somebody back is not cool, but if it’s something you feel you MUST do, write a non-abusive message to her and make sure to cover all the points you want to say in a single message. Do not bombard her and do not hold any expectations of a good reply.

Brain dumping what’s on your mind is a great way to release any clogged up feelings and emotions.

I actually get my broken hearted homies to message me their feelings every day during their BREAKUP recoveries, as I know offloading helps.

And in some cases, they even send me messages they’d have originally written for their ex.

Feel free to do the same (

Stage #3. Anger

Two things I find really helpful during the anger stage is kicking the sh*t out of things and practicing my inner monk.

Boxing is better than smashing things and the meditation prevents me from sending messages I may later regret.

It’s important not to blame yourself as hard as that may be. What’s done is done, even if it was your fault, life is full of lessons, learn from this and move on.

Reflect, don’t react.

Download Headspace app.

Stage #4. Depression

The first thing I do is set some distractions.

Classical conditioning

When my routine

physical and mental

My goal is to keep occupied and

goals and mental challenges and I get working towards them straight away

Some examples that I’ve used in the past: Learning to speak Spanish, Russian and Thai. I’ve taken

For example: I wanted to

“Every time you want to send a text to your partner or are reminded about your ex and want to reach for them, reach for one of your buddies instead,”

Stage #5. Acceptance:


Cry / release:
Avoid pleading:
Remove visible reminders
Hide / Remove social media status
Remove number from phone

Stay busy and occupied
Avoid Being alone
Exercise for seretonine

Here’s my

Once you’ve passed the Denial, Bargaining and Anger stages, you

so that will mean cutting ties, accepting the BREAKUP is over and NOT trying to win her back.

Note: If you’re not sure whether to give up on her or not, either ask your friends or email me the details and Ill give an unbiased opinion on whether or not you should try and salvage it

By continuing to read, you agree that it’s over and you want to move on.


If the reason she give for breaking up with you wasn’t convincing, you can try and ask her again (as it’s proven to help the healing process) but it’s rare you’ll happy with the answer, whatever it is.

Step #3.
Decide who and what you want to be in a year’s time.
Pain can be one of the best catalysts if used properly, so you need to bend this negative energy into positive energy you rocket launch you way to become whatever man you want to be.

Don’t be unrealistic but

Here’s a whole load of questions I’ve been asked recently about the post breakup.

  1. How long does it take you to FULLY get over somebody?
    It depends on many factors, for example: How much was invested, the conditions and how you go about
  2. Some people never “fully” heal because they go about it all wrong.
  3. How long does the initial, crippling pain last?
    Usually a week or two, when you stick to it. You’re essentially going cold turkey, and will experience the same effects as if you’re coming off of drugs (although personally, I find heartache more intense).
  4. I’m a grown man, why am I sobbing like a little girl?
    It’s perfectly normal to cry. Don’t be ashamed. Let it out it out big guy.
  5. Why does my chest hurt? Should I call an ambulance?
    You’re probably fine (wait, I’m NOT qualified to say that). The physical pain you feel in your chest is where the term “broken heart” come from.
  6. Can you die from a broken heart?
    Yep. It’s rare, but it does happen. You seen Notebook?
  7. She cheated on me… Do I blame the her or him?
    Unless “him” is somebody close to you (brother, friend etc), its she who betrayed you more.
  8. She cheated on me… Should I punish her?
    No. It’s really not worth it, and will NOT make you feel better – or win her back.
  9. Typically, the agonising pain lasts a week or so (but is often triggered again by poor decisions).
  10. My psychiatrist predicted my grief would last me six months, as I’d been in a relationship for two years,
  11. Why do I feel a physical pain in my chest?
  12. Why can’t I eat?
  13. Why do I feel physically sick?
  14. Should I see a therapist?
    Therapists are fantastic listeners and can provide the
  15. How do I get closure?
    You have to first accept.
  16. My poo is a funny colour, should I go to the doctor?
    Its probs a sign you’re not eating properly or are dehydrated.
  17. She didn’t tell me why? I need answers, how do I get them?
    Answers do indeed help, but it’s EXTREMELY rare you’ll be given an honest answer.
    And even if you were given an honest answer, you’d probably chose to ignore it anyway.
  18. Why did they leave me?
  19. Was my girlfriend cheating?
  20. Should I try to win her back?
  21. How can I win her back?
  22. Should I contact her?
    Not unless you really, really, REALLY have to. Which is hardly ever… But, you’re going to anyway.
  23. What do you do with the Christmas presents you’d bought her?
    Get a refund, sell them or give them away.