It’s about 5am, the streets are filled with pissed up tourists, feeling sick, snogging, fighting, sleeping and falling all over the place! Sounds like hell, but when you’re as pissed as we were, you don’t really care.

Drunk girl in Magaluf strip
Drunk girl in Magaluf strip

Me and the boys had just spent last few hours crawling Maga’s famous strip and it was now time to ditch the booze, bars, clubs and clothes – grab some girls and have sex! Or so we thought…

After losing most of the lads at the Carwash UV paint party, me and Shane had managed to convince a couple of birds to come skinny dipping!

Car Wash Paint Party Magaluf
Car Wash Paint Party Magaluf

The beach is less than 5 minutes away, so after some dirty Chinese street food at Chows, we’re ready to get our kits off and take to the sea.

Now if there’s one thing you must know about Magaluf, it’s that most of the people that party here, have absolutely no shame.

Magaluf party balloons (laughing gas)
Magaluf party balloons (laughing gas)

These filthy love birds for example, were happy for me and a few other guys to get close enough to take the greatest ‘fucking’ selfie ever, while they continued to pound each-other away on one of the beach beds.

(God knows what the Karate kid was doing in the background of the pic)

Quite possibly the best ‘f*****g’ selfie we’ve ever seen!!!

Posted by Lads Holiday Guide on Sunday, 3 July 2016

If there’s one thing I hate about European destinations, it’s that the sea is never warm… Especially at 6am!

Fortunately, beer – or in my case – cocktail coat combined with excitement was enough to power my naked body into the cold waves.

Shoulder-deep in sea, we start to sing and dance. It was a crazy moment – I felt so pleased with myself, well… until I see the size of dick! :o

Skinny dipping in Magaluf
Skinny dipping in Magaluf

After Maga’s recent nudity laws (€100-€600 fines) – a torch light in the distance was enough to have me and Shane get out the water and dressed at the speed of light, before effortlessly convincing our catches back to the hotel.

RJ enjoying semi-naked man's attention
RJ enjoying semi-naked man’s attention

I was surprised when our friendly security guard stopped us at the reception door, refusing the girls entry.

I’d have recommended the BCM Hotel Mallorca (Club B Apartments) to anyone before that point.

BCM Hotel Mallorca (Club B Apartments) in Magaluf
BCM Hotel Mallorca (Club B Apartments) in Magaluf

After slipping the giant guard €30, he no longer seemed to care about our guests not having bright green wristbands – but did warn us to be “quick”.

“It’s Shane we’re talking about” I said. He didn’t need to worry.

Now, it’s worth noting that there’s a Chlamydia outbreak in Maga at the moment so make sure you bag up, ALWAYS!

Partying in Magaluf
Partying in Magaluf

The next day was pretty much the same as the first. Half of us lob a footie around in the pool while the other half sun it up until the last man awake (usually RJ or Mush) make a 1 /2pm appearance looking like a glass of milk.

Grab some quick grub, before a trip to the beach with our Frisbee and portable Bose Sound System. Time to chill-out to deep house until sunrise. This is the life.

Magaluf’s beach is packed full of some of the sexiest people (male and female) you’ll ever see. Six-packs, size sixes and 36-DD tits EVERYWHERE! – Okay, I exaggerated a bit regarding the boobs, but the bodies on the beach were insane.

Magaluf Beach like: Ex on the Beach
Magaluf Beach like: Ex on the Beach

Sadly, most of us were far too fucked to hop aboard the Magaluf Booze Cruise – but I’d like to thank Kevin for offering to put us up!

If you haven’t heard of Pirates Reloaded in Magaluf, then you’re in for arrrrrrrrrrr-right treat…

The €40 experience (€80 VIP) combines DJ’s with world class acrobats, free booze and ballsy banter from legendary host.

It’s an absolute MUST! Unlimited beer, wine and sangria were included in the price – decent burger and chips cost me €5… absolute bargain!

Tom Daley and Nigel Ben’s son were sitting on the table next to us and even they were left astounded by some of the Olympic worthy acts!

The After party back at Coco Bongos was banging, and for a good while, I’d say the ratio to girls to boys was 60:40!

Tommy Walpole's 21st Birthday VIP at Boomerang and Pirates Reloaded
Tommy Walpole’s 21st Birthday VIP at Boomerang and Pirates Reloaded

After losing a bet, RJ had to brave some slingshot monster ride thing before we all decided to call it a night.

Most of us felt two nights in Magaluf wasn’t enough, but for me it was plenty.

There’s a reason Maga’s dubbed the king of lads holidays… I had a banging time!

This post was written by Lee Walpole
on May 31, 2017